Wound Too Tight

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the birth of Juniper Renee

April 29, 2017 · Leave a Comment

This is my fourth and final birth story.

Sorry, I had to go and have a good cry after I wrote that sentence. I would blame the hormones. But there are truly so many emotions behind that sentence. 4 days that have shaped my life more than any others (ok, my wedding day was pretty great too). But those 4 days. Those 4 births. I don’t want to forget a single moment of the anticipation, the pain, the wonder, the joy, and empowerment, the overwhelming love. How your heart just explodes a little more with each new baby you hold in your arms.

Introducing: Juniper Renee Pool. Born on April 13th at 5:27 pm. She weighed 8lbs even and was 19.75” long. The name Juniper is a nod to the long history of plant and landscape lovers on both sides of my family. My great-great grandpa started Hoerr Nursery over 90 years ago and I have fond memories of all the beautiful plants that have special meanings to my different family members (the magnolia tree in my grandma’s yard, my dad’s love of geraniums in our front yard and the ginko and birch trees, my mom’s zinna’s).  Renee is my sister, Jenna’s, middle name. She is also the one who took all the beautiful birth pictures below.juniper-5799But let’s back up a bit, shall we? Since I’ve been a terrible blogger for a year now, I need to recap the craziness of this last pregnancy. We had been a little on the fence about adding a number 4 to our clan, especially with new rhythm we were trying to find in our new city of Denver! But in April 2016, we got a positive on a pregnancy test and were thrilled. But in May, we sadly lost that sweet baby. It made me certain we weren’t done adding to our family (William took a little more convincing). Just 2 months later in July, we got pregnant again and after seeing a sweet little heartbeat, announced it to the world in September. IMG_6206We found a wonderful midwifery practice that at the University of Colorado Health, which is a great compromise for William and I. I’m probably a homebirther at heart and William would never do birth outside a hospital, so this practice felt like a great middle ground for us. With this practice, you rotate seeing six midwives and one would be on call for your delivery at University Hospital. I can’t say enough wonderful things about them and how supported I felt through everything this pregnancy has brought.preggo So let’s just sum up this pregnancy in a word: nausea.

I’ve been increasing sick with each pregnancy, but this one was a whole new ball game. Starting around 8 weeks, and extending until the day she was born, I had nausea. Thankfully, the bulk of the actual puking ended around 22 weeks, but the remainder of the pregnancy I still was on the highest dose of 2 different meds to keep food down and help me to function.

Then to make things even more fun, I started to get the sneaking suspicion around 30 weeks that baby was not head down. I pressed for an ultrasound at my next midwife appointment and it was confirmed that she was breech. This launched me into weeks of trying everything and anything in my power to get her to turn. We started seeing a chiropractor weekly and I did every trick on the spinning babies website. My ironing board saw more action that it ever has as I laid head down on the side of my bead twice a day for 20 minutes. I had acupuncture for the first time and burned moxibustion sticks by my pinky toes several times a day. I took warm baths with an ice pack laying on her head to try and get her to move to the warmth.

We also made an appointment with Dr. Hall. He is one of the few doctors left in Denver the country who will allow for a breech vaginal birth. He works at Swedish Hospital, which is about 45 minutes from us, but I wanted to have a back up plan in case she decided not to turn. I had a midwife appointment the day before meeting Dr. Hall and we confirmed that she was still breech. The next morning (Thursday, March 16th @ 35w4d), I was lying in bed and felt a sharp pain but I thought it was because I was huge and also had 2 kids that had snuck into bed with me in the night and getting comfy was beyond me. My car wouldn’t start that morning, but thankfully, my neighbor let me borrow her car and I headed to Swedish. We had an amazing appointment and he said I was the perfect breech vaginal candidate. But then, we did the ultrasound – and she was HEAD DOWN. Wow, did I feel silly. Haha. Her head was very flat and he said he could tell she had just turned. But he gave me his cell phone number and said if she turned back or those midwives weren’t able to help me, just call him.IMG_0746The rest of the pregnancy was all the normal “can’t sleep, can’t eat, I can’t wait until she’s out” routine as she stayed head down and we just anticipated when she would arrive and if it would coincide with my mom being able to fly out. I had about 2 weeks of prodromal labor. For those unfamiliar with that, it’s basically real labor (unlike Braxton hicks contractions) in terms of pain, contractions, and regularity but it comes and goes. It’s more likely to happen in subsequent pregnancies and also pregnancies where the baby isn’t in an optimal position. It made for an exhausting last few weeks and also made me very unsure of how I’d know if I was in labor that was actually worth heading to hospital for.

On Tuesday, April 11 around 2pm I started having contractions that felt very different and very real. At about 1am, I decided we should probably go to the hospital just to see. Well, that was embarrassing. I felt like a first time mom when Nikki pronounced me 1.5 cm and +2 station and sent me home where contractions completely stopped. William decided to stay home from work on Wednesday, just in case. I had contractions all day Wednesday and was having trouble talking through them, so we decided to make our way to the hospital again around 4pm. Annnndddd, sent home again at 2cm. Feeling like a fool at this point, although the midwife was very kind to say that I really WAS in labor, she was just taking her sweet time. I was able to sleep through the night and decided I would not be heading in again until I KNEW it was time. (I was GBS+ again so I knew I needed to get there in time to get IV antibiotics before she arrived).

Thursday morning, I had my regularly scheduled midwife appointment with Nikki. She checked me and gave my membranes a really good strip (holy cow, ow) and said I was now a 4, almost 5 and it felt totally different than I had on Tuesday night. She said she’d be expecting a baby that day! Yay! My mom was scheduled to land at 8pm and now I was just hoping she’d hold off a bit longer so we wouldn’t have to worry about another round of childcare. I was having good contractions all day, but around 3 it started to feel a little more urgent that I call around and see if anyone was around to watch the bigs. My friend Kaylen came over with her little girl Scarlett. I had a grocery order delivered and was trying to help with that but at that point realized “this is really it.” I had her take a picture which is time stamped 3:47pm and I rode in the backseat to the hospital to try and be bit more comfy. My sister decided to just meet us there and my friend Song said she’d make her way there as well.

When I arrived in triage, I was needing William to put pressure on my lower back for contractions and there was definitely no talking happening. They checked and I was at a 7 and they said they were going to hurry up to start getting the pool ready. Woohoo, finally staying and having a baby. They said we’d finish baby’s monitoring upstairs as they wanted to get my IV in right away, so I walked (with a few stops) to room 512!juniper-5263 Notice the clock. We arrived in the room around 4:40. Didn’t realize how quick of a stay this would be. juniper-5265 At this point, contractions were coming pretty much right on top of one another.juniper-5269They needed a few more minutes of monitoring baby, so here is my last official pregnant belly pic:juniper-5270Then it was IV time. She had a little trouble getting it in the left arm, so I got a second poke on the right. I was supposed to get 2 doses over the course of 4 hours. Spoiler: I got about 3/4 of one dose. 🙂juniper-5275 I was ready for water at this point, but the ladies were still working on the big tub, so they filled the smaller tub in the bathroom for me.juniper-5285 I remember William joking that I got my own rubber ducky.juniper-5305juniper-5288William and I have a pretty good routine down now that we’ve done this a few times. He presses hard on my back during contractions but other than that, it’s HANDS OFF. 🙂 juniper-5301juniper-5298 I vaguely remember this nurse coming in to take of the monitoring belts and tell me the tub was almost ready. I turned around in this tub at this point and remember becoming more vocal and feeling like I wanted to quit. But then knowing that means I was almost there.juniper-5306At the end of a super hard one, I felt my water broke (sidenote: this is the first time my water has EVER broken on it’s own). William yelled out that it was 5:16. The big tub was finally filled and I somehow was able to get out of the bathroom and into the tub right as another contraction hit.juniper-5313 juniper-5322 juniper-5331 juniper-5335 The midwife said there was a little “stool/chair” if I wanted to try to sit back. juniper-5346So I thought, what the heck, I’ll try that.juniper-5348Umm, nope for that position. I needed to push.juniper-5364 So push I did.juniper-5363 Her head was out quite fast.juniper-5369 But her shoulders were turned just slightly and didn’t want to come out without a little help from the midwives.juniper-5389We got my legs back and she helped with the shoulders.juniper-5419juniper-5424 And then, she was here.juniper-5434 juniper-5435 Born at 5:27. About 47 minutes after we arrived in the room. And after about 10 minutes of getting in the birthing tub.juniper-5437 juniper-5438-2 Ahhh the sweet relief and joy.juniper-5445-2 juniper-5463 She wasn’t making many noises no matter how hard we were rubbing her back and head, so they wanted to get her under the warmer just a bit to get her to pink up. And my placenta was already starting to separate, so I didn’t put up too much of a fight. Of course, she immediately put her lungs to use. juniper-5493juniper-5509 juniper-5525 William got to cut the cord, while they helped me out of the tub. juniper-5531The minute I stood up, I felt the placenta so I delivered that standing up into the bowl.  juniper-5615 They brought her right back to me while I got assessed for “damage” and was so thankful that no stitches were necessary!juniper-5581 We marveled at her long fingers (just like Ellison’s) and were quite shocked at her full head of hair (I usually have bald babies). juniper-5607 juniper-5620 She took to nursing like a pro.juniper-5646-2juniper-5655juniper-5662My dear friend, Song, arrived thinking I’d still be in labor. But instead, she got introduced to the little miss and got an apology that it went so fast and she missed it! 😉   juniper-5677juniper-5681 We took a couple family shots.juniper-5709Then, we had them weigh and measure her then so that Jenna could leave and go watch my kiddos until my mom arrived (I’ll forever give Jenna a hard time that I got her in and out in basically an hour for this birth) 🙂 Juni weighed 8.03 pounds and was 19.75” long.juniper-5743I had found this blanket that had coral peonies on it like in her nursery and little berries that resembled juniper berries. I knew it was a blanket she had to have. The little bonnet I knit the week I found out she was a girl.juniper-5787 juniper-5799 juniper-5806 We moved to a postpartum room where we settled in for a longer stay than we anticipated (more on that in a next post). William left to pick up my mom from the airport and when they got home, we facetimed the kids to show them their new sis! Then I settled in for a quiet night of snuggling June bug. I marveled at how in the world I now had 4 kids and thanked God for the amazing birth story that I got the end my “birthing career” onIMG_1254And then I may have shed a few tears. As thrilled as I am that I feel that our family is complete, there is a sadness that comes with this finale. That was the final wait for the 2 lines on the pregnancy test. That was the last time I would feel a baby move inside me. The last time I would anticipate knowing if we would have a boy or girl joining our family. The final time I will lovingly craft a coming home outfit and carefully plan a nursery. The last time I time I will anticipate when labor will start or how their story will play out. The last time I will feel the pain, the exhaustion, and then the euphoria of giving birth. This will be last “first night” where I stay up all night watching her breathe, touching her soft skin and marveling at all the newness as I pick her up to nurse in the night. The last time I will write out a story as life changing as having a child.

But that sadness is also mixed with great excitement. Joy about the stages of rearing children that are ahead of us. The new things well be able to do once we’re out of the newborn/toddler stage. And just a deep sense of anticipation to see what God has in store for Juniper’s life.  

Psalm 127 3-5 (the Message)
Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!

Technorati Tags: birth,waterbirth,midwife,Juniper,baby #4,babies,breech

Filed In: family

on our last night

February 25, 2016 · Leave a Comment

While I am so deeply excited for our next family adventure, in this last night in our house I’m letting the sadness creep in for a bit. It starting to hit that tomorrow is the last time I’ll wake up in this sweet little town where I’ve been born and raised. I will no longer get to drive by the little house on New Street where I was born. Or send my kids to the schools where I roamed the halls. I won’t see a football game on the field where I cheered or go every week to the church that shaped me and where I walked down the aisle to my love. This beautiful house where I brought my babies home is not the home I’ll grow old in. My wonderful momma friendships are about to change to seeing their babies grow up only through social media. My own mom and dad are now going to be a plane ride away, not just a quick trip by car.

New beginnings mean the end of lots of things. Things that feel safe and normal right now. And tonight I’ll be a little sad about that.

Because tomorrow the new adventure begins.

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Filed In: family / Tagged: Denver or bust, memores, moving

Big Family News (no, no baby)

January 28, 2016 · Leave a Comment

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That’s right, we’re moving! To Denver, Colorado! But first, let me back up.

William’s job has always been a source of stress in our marriage. He worked in Houston in a huge architecture firm before moving to Champaign for graduate school. His plan was always to go back to the big city…but he met me and “got stuck” as he sometimes says. He’s bounced from small firm to small firm as we have moved cities been laid off due to a company’s lack of funds and he’s never been super – well – happy. And any married woman knows how much a man’s job really does affect EVERYTHING in a family. When we lived in Indiana, he decided to try and study and take his NCARB licensing exams. There are 7. I know right, he’s not a doctor, right?! But 7 exams it is. He can practice architecture in a firm without being licensed, but if he ever wanted to get into a bigger firm or practice on his own, he has to be licensed. He took 2 and didn’t pass and lost steam.

Well, fast forward to the fall of 2014. He felt like it might be time to start studying and trying again. While he loved the people he worked with and his boss who has been so good to us, he was growing increasingly frustrated with the lack of career opportunity he was going to be given at his firm. And frankly, at any firm in Champaign/Urbana. There was another gal, Whitney, in his office who also decided to start studying for the exams. So a partnership was formed. They made plans, studied at home separately and then talked at work and lunch about what they were learning. I think this was the KEY to the success they had in taking the tests. William wasn’t just sitting reading by himself, he had to learn it and reteach it. They took their first exam in October and both passed. The decided to change nothing about their process. The continued to study for about 6-8 weeks and then take a test. And little by little, they passed EACH ONE!12189672_10153565398595358_2830988841050056772_n It was not an easy year, let me tell you. We’d see him for dinner and a little of bedtime, and then he’d disappear into the basement. They gave 6-8 hours on the weekends as well. But seeing all those passes made every “single mom” moment worth it!

We both had agreed that when the time came, he would start his job hunt in Denver. If I have to move to a big city, it just made sense with the amount of family I have there. So he sent out a first round of resumes. We worked on his website (http://williamepool.squarespace.com) and then waited. He got a response from Craine Architecture pretty quickly and we got excited! He had 2 phone interviews that seemed to go really well.

But then we didn’t hear anything. Christmas rolled around. Then New Years. We thought it was done, so he started gearing up for another round of resumes and started looking around Austin. But out of the blue, he finally got an apologetic email that the guy had been busy with holidays and traveling and was still very interested in William. He was officially offered a position on Wednesday, January 20th and we accepted the offer that Friday.

I think I always knew in theory that we would move. But for it to be real is so overwhelming/exciting/sad/scary/every emotion you can think of. It had set a chain of events into motion that is not going to slow down anytime soon. House cleaning/purging, getting it on the market, visiting Denver, finding where to live. Do we rent or buy? How far away from William’s job can we handle? Do we want more space in a home and yard or more time with him? How do you research schools from far away? Can we see all the doctors/dentists/hair stylists one more time before we go? How do you possibly say goodbye to all your dear friends in literally 6 weeks?

We are so VERY sure that this is a God thing. But it’s still very surreal right now and I’m sure it won’t really hit me until I’m looking out my windows at mountains and not corn fields.

Denver, here we come!

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Filed In: family / Tagged: architecture, Denver, Ellison, job, Miles, moving, Owen, William

Owen’s music class

June 28, 2015 · Leave a Comment

We have been doing classes a the Champaign School of Music for awhile off and on.  Their Music Together classes are fun for little ones. We’ve decided to let the kids do ONE activity per season for right now. I don’t think there’s reason for them to do more than that, especially as I know it’s going to just get more crazy as they get older. For this spring/summer, we threw out all kinds of sports option to Owen – tball, soccer, swimming lessons, martial arts, etc. Nothing. Refused every one. So I started looking into other things for him and we found the Music Explorers class at CSM. It’s a 45 minute class where they learn the very basics beginning skills on piano (keyboards) and ukulele. He got to pick out a ukulele (red was his choice) and got all his books on the first night of class. He was in love.IMG_5370They spend the first 5-10 minutes singing a welcome song and things like that.  Then they practice the ukulele with Mr. Luke. This includes things like learning the string names, how to hold the ukulele, how to pluck the right string, etc.IMG_5225Then, they get to do piano with Ms. Danielle.  Basic key recognition, learning soft and quiet, very simple songs, etc.IMG_5223 IMG_5222I will say that I’m not sure the instructors have had a ton of experience teaching small children and there’s been at least one child with some behavior issues in both of his sessions.  And the price is a little steep.  Buuuuttt the child loves it and refuses to try anything else. So we’re going to keep going for awhile. Now if I could just get him to practice. 😉

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Filed In: family / Tagged: around the city, kid activities, music class, Owen

Casey’s Birthday Weekend

August 7, 2014 · Leave a Comment

This past weekend, we packed up and headed to Peoria to help celebrate my brother Casey’s birthday!  He flew in from Colorado and we were excited to see him, Philip and Kara, and my folks.  We got there mid-morning and just had a fun time hanging out. Picture 1961 Picture 1962 Picture 1963The kids had a blast playing in the basement, running naked in the hose outside and feeding the cows. Oh and just being crazy.Picture 1943Picture 1965The parental units made an amazing dinner for Casey us.Picture 1966Then we finally got to the part Owen was waiting for, Cake and presents.

Owen was pretty concerned that Casey didn’t get any presents to open, just cards.  Welcome to adult life buddy.photo 2-002 We made the mistake of thinking Owen and Ellie could possibly sleep in the same room together.  Parent FAIL.  I guess we should have known that putting 2 terrible sleepers together is just going to result in more terrible sleep.  So somewhere in the middle of the night, we divided and conquered.  Ellie came and slept with me (and Miles) and William slept with Owen.Picture 1950-001Sunday morning we finally got a picture of my parents and the kids.  That’s been a long time coming.  I took about 40 and this was the best. 🙂Picture 1931Picture 1944 We had a great time at their church, the Vineyard Church Peoria and after a quick lunch, got on the road.  The kiddos were asleep before we got on the highway.Picture 1953-001When we got home, we finally got around to something we’ve been talking about doing. . .making Ellie’s crib into a toddler bed.  As you can tell, she was thrilled!Picture 1973Picture 1970It really hasn’t done much to make sleep better or worse this week which I guess I should be thankful for.  Of course we’ve had a few more things to clean up as she now loves to pull books off her bookshelf and take shoes out of drawers.  And one night, she did walk downstairs in the middle of the night looking for me.  But other than that, we’re on our way to true toddler-hood.  Next up: paci only at night and maybe potty training?  Lord help us.
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Filed In: family / Tagged: birthday, Ellison, grandparents, Miles, Owen, Vineyard Peoria

B&N Frozen Event

August 1, 2014 · Leave a Comment

Today we decided to have an outing after naps (rare for us) and we headed to Barnes and Noble for their Frozen event.  It was billed as super fun thing for kids and I thought there would be a few more characters present.  It wasn’t a glamorous event by any means, but the kids did awesome and it’s always fun to get out and about.Picture 1951-002At the first table, they poured what looked like salt into a cup.  Owen got to dump in water and it turned into “snow.”  They go to play with it in pans and bury animals and such.  Then, we build snowman (Olafs) with glitter playdoh.Picture 1950We cut out some snowflakes and hung them up on the little stage area.  Of course, we had to belt out some Frozen tunes while on the stage!Picture 1954-001Picture 1952-001 They were so awesome that when Owen asked for a treat while we were leaving, I had to oblige. 🙂Picture 1959Picture 1955 Picture 1956 Picture 1957 Picture 1958It was a fun way to ruin our dinner. 🙂
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Filed In: family / Tagged: around the city, Ellison, kid activities, Miles, Owen

Miles {2 months}

July 27, 2014 · Leave a Comment

I was gearing up to start writing Miles’ 3 month post and realized I didn’t finish his 2 month one.  Oops.  So here’s the short list of that post:

  • his first smile was on June 20.  Now he gives us smiles and full belly laughs all day long.  Never had a baby so smiley and I LOVE it!
  • in size 2 diapers and 6 month clothing (around 13 pounds)
  • awesome nurser
  • takes 4-5 naps in various locations (swing, stroller, crib)
  • sleeps in his crib 7:30-1ish and then up every couple hours.  But what?!  Did I finally get a sleeper.
  • loves to be swaddled and only sleeps if all arms and legs are snug tight and on his back
  • adores his paci
  • loves his siblings
  • doesn’t love or hate bath time.
  • hates tummy time

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ahh a sleeper

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his first smile – I caught it on camera!

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love his hair line

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June 23 – first time on his playmat

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smiley man

And some from our 2 month photo shoot:IMG_2531-2 IMG_2504IMG_2510-2 IMG_2522-2 IMG_2525-2 IMG_2529-2
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Filed In: family / Tagged: Miles, milestones, monthly summary

Curtis Orchard

July 24, 2014 · Leave a Comment

This week has been unseasonably cool and so one morning we decided to head over to Curtis Orchard for our first trip of the season!  This place is about 5 minutes from our house and just about perfect for an outing.  Free play spaces, kitties to hold, goats to feed, and yummy donuts to share.   There was only 1 or 2 other families there when we went, so we basically had free run of the place.  I also had some tokens left from last season, so the kids got to play in the mini-golf/park area.  Owen was also very excited that they had fixed the train that moves around the dining area. (for a quarter 🙂

Looking forward to many more trips as fall nears!Picture 1988 Picture 1989 Picture 1990 Picture 1992 Picture 1994 Picture 1995 blog-signature-1

Filed In: family / Tagged: around the city, Curtis Orchard, donuts, Ellison, Owen

VBS

July 21, 2014 · Leave a Comment

This past week was Owen’s first time attending Vacation Bible  School at church!  He was pretty adamant that he didn’t want to go, but we basically told him he had to. 🙂  And then once he realized one of his best buddies, Asher, was going all was right with the world again.  Erica and I took turns carpooling the boys and they had a great time riding together.  The Kingdom Kids team did an amazing job decorating, praying, prepping, and running the great 4 evenings!

The theme was JUMP and there were jump ropes hanging everywhere and a huge trampoline on the stage.Picture 1886-002Picture 1883-001These two boys are quite the goofy pair when they’re together.photo-001Picture 1898-001Picture 1900-001 Picture 1902-001 Picture 1904-001Today the kids helped lead worship to show the songs they learned at VBS.  Definitely a fun week for Owen!  (Anne D, you’ll enjoy your guy in this one too)

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Filed In: family / Tagged: church, kid activities, Owen, VBS

Janessa’s b-day party

July 11, 2014 · Leave a Comment

This morning, one of Owen’s friends had a birthday party.  I got a babysitter for Ellie and then decided I might as well leave Miles since he takes a bottle well.  So Miles had his first non-family babysitter and did awesome!  And I got to spend some special one-on-one time with Owen.

The party was at Michael’s craft store and Jennifer had come up a with a super neat art project for them.  She spent the time taping off each kiddo’s name on a canvas.  Then each kid painted and put handprints on it.  10420078_10152189134866179_3753231502963404438_n10463006_10152189135001179_6624307289083599064_n After it dried, we peeled off their names.  So cute!10351306_10152189135281179_2877078382944981025_n10390114_10152189134721179_7907307826197936858_nThen we enjoyed pizza and cupcakes.  Such a fun morning.  And can you tell that Jen is a professional photographer?  Thanks for all the great pictures of the day!  Happy 4th birthday Janessa!
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Filed In: family, parties / Tagged: around the city, birthday, birthday party, friends, Owen

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Hello and welcome to my blog and shop! I am Emily, a 30 something kindergarten teacher turned stay at home mommy. I have a hunky husband William and four amazing kiddos, Owen (7), Ellison (5), Miles (3), and Juniper (brand new). I love Jesus and enjoy blogging about my little family, my crafty adventures, and learning how to be a small town girl in a new huge city.

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